Confidence, persistence, bravery, faith, stamina - these are my watchwords right now as I'm looking for work. I had a job interview yesterday for a full-time office job which is promising but what is really stoking my fire right now is the shoot I participated in over the weekend. When I'm working crew on a film set - working freelance in any capacity, really - everything just feels like it clicks into place. I don't want the security of an office if I can sell myself from project to project, working with awesome, talented people to achieve their vision. Then some day achieving one of mine... The biggest stressor I have right now is the uncertainty of how to start getting freelance PA work. I guess I just gotta keep getting out there and keep saying Yes to everything.
Speaking of which, I'm trying to put lots of energy into the different pots I've got on the stove. I sometimes wonder if I busy myself with so many things because I'm afraid of committing to one and getting sucked in and stuck (probably why I'm scared of an office job, too). LA is such a self-centered place because everyone is selling themselves and I think I say that from a place without judgement. We're all so driven and hungry to make some sort of deeply personal dream come true. It's beautiful and inspiring and it's why I moved out here but those dreams take interpersonal connections. And that creates a weird social culture where every human interaction is being weighed and assessed by what one person can get from the other. And that feels yucky.
It also creates a culture of people talking a lot without really having conversations. I chatted on the phone with my mom yesterday and I heard myself spouting the same dialogue I keep finding myself on the receiving end of out here: what am I trying to do professionally and personally; how it's coming; people I've met who can help me with it; people I've met who can't; oh yeah, and how are you? It's gross to just unload on someone; it's selfish to just use them as a sounding board. I guess when you're in your head so much it's like you need a pressure release valve but it's definitely something to be aware of.
I'm really pumped at the idea of making music out here. There's so much potential for it. While out in Santa Monica last week I walked along the rainy pier thinking about the cultural differences between New York and LA. I decided NYC is like a grand, forceful object; a rolling, cultural snowball. LA is a cultural void, constantly devouring itself. NYC has an overabundance of culture and history; it's personality assaults you from every street corner. People like me move out there and do things and those things become a part of NEW YORK CITY.
On the other hand, people like me move to LA and the things they do remain theirs. LA rejects its own culture and history, recycling and paving it over. It's one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world yet the city feels supremely uncomfortable and unsatisfied with itself; a wallflower smiling behind a facelift.
That's not to say the people are unsatisfied with themselves. I think a lot of folks out here pride themselves and being a place where things are happening and on being people who make them happen but their connection to the city itself is minimal. LA and its sprawling emptiness is viewed as a cipher for greater things beyond it. Compare that to how New Yorkers see NYC as the be-all/end-all, the Greatest City in the World.
When I was in Santa Monica I met with a woman my cousin Josh introduced me to who runs a bar out there. In about a month I'm going to play an acoustic show at her spot and I'm pretty psyched about it. Even sooner I'm doing one at Hotel Cafe, which is a singer-songwriter hub I guess. Not sure if I'm going to keep the moniker of The Robinson Age or be Dave Bow of The Robinson Age (implying that you should have heard of my last band). Probably the latter.
Trying to record a new EP with my super talented friends Max and Miles for a new project with a new name I've got gestating. Slow going cuz of schedule differences. Also officially playing synth in Max's primary project which doesn't have a name yet but has some shows lined up at The Smell and other prestigious LA venues. That's exciting if frustrating because of all the personal dreams I'm waiting on, just bubbling up in the background.
Besides looking for work and making music I've also gotten a creative jolt in my art. Returned to ink and watercolors and feel really good about it. Starting making self-portraits (oh how fucking fitting), which is something I've never felt comfortable doing before. I feel really good about them and maybe I'll have an OK portfolio shop around to galleries in the coming month.
And while we're on pipe dreams, Kevin and I have started a sitcom spec script that we're planning on shooting. Plus the house is hosting a show on Friday for my roommates' band. I've been consuming much less movies/TV than I was in Portland (which feels awesome) and have been reading another Robertson Davies book, What's Bred in the Bone. Whenever I've felt adrift in the past few years his books have always righted me and put things in perspective. They're books about achievers and dreamers presented with warmth, wit and a humble humanity that always makes me feel grounded and makes dreams feel achievable, even if they manifest themselves in ways you never would have expected. Confidence, persistence, bravery, faith, stamina.
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